{"id":1795,"date":"2014-05-14T15:36:43","date_gmt":"2014-05-14T19:36:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.usedtobeabastard.com\/?p=1438"},"modified":"2014-05-14T15:36:58","modified_gmt":"2014-05-14T19:36:58","slug":"definitive-ranking-diet-killers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/dontpokthebear.com\/definitive-ranking-diet-killers\/","title":{"rendered":"The Definitive Ranking Of Diet Killers"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Seriously, who can eat just one of these stupid little packs?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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They\u2019re not even that good. OK, they are. Bastards.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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It\u2019s practically un-American not to.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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All diets start with you saying, \u201cHold the cheese,\u201d then end with you holding cheese and cramming it into your mouth.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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You meant to get a bowl without cheese, but\u2026<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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These things are everywhere nowadays, and pose a serious threat to any diet.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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\u2026and then give the barista a fake name to hide your shame.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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\u201cI\u2019ll have just one,\u201d you tell yourself. Yeah, right.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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A few weeks into your diet you start to crave comfort food.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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This squirrel was down 15 ounces until the Doritos cravings became too strong.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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You tried watching a movie without snacks and you did not like it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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It takes some serious will power not to answer that siren call.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Just bacon.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Freaking Earl.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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You went to pick up some healthy food, then blacked out and woke up in a dingy motel room next to an empty jar of this stuff.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Free bread is a problem at a lot of restaurants<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n You order six boxes of Thin Mints and eight boxes of Samoas. You know, for the kids.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n You can live without the burgers, but the fries haunt your dreams.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n High caloric alcohol + lowered impulse control = Adi\u00f3s, diet!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n The end begins with your friend saying, \u201cWe ordered pizza, but I\u2019m pretty sure I\u2019ve got some carrot sticks in the fridge you can eat.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n It\u2019s just not fair, really.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n When you start rationalizing \u201cNutella isn\u2019t chocolate, so\u2026\u201d you\u2019re done for.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n7.<\/span> When your niece or neighbor\u2019s kid pressures you into buying their Girl Scout cookies.<\/h2>\n
6.<\/span> McDonald\u2019s fries.<\/h2>\n
5.<\/span> Alcohol.<\/h2>\n
4.<\/span> Pizza.<\/h2>\n
3.<\/span> Warm chips right out of the fryer at a Mexican restaurant.<\/h2>\n
2.<\/span> Nutella.<\/h2>\n
1.<\/span> Appetizers.<\/h2>\n