{"id":1752,"date":"2014-05-12T12:21:28","date_gmt":"2014-05-12T16:21:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.usedtobeabastard.com\/?p=1398"},"modified":"2014-05-12T12:21:28","modified_gmt":"2014-05-12T16:21:28","slug":"11-worst-kinds-neighbors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/dontpokthebear.com\/11-worst-kinds-neighbors\/","title":{"rendered":"The 11 Worst Kinds Of Neighbors"},"content":{"rendered":"
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STOMP STOMP STOMP. They\u2019re either practicing their runway walk 24\/7, or constantly moving furniture around, or dribbling a basketball, or OHGODWHATEVERITISWHYWON\u2019TITSTOP?!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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Ever get the feeling that someone is watching you? Someone is. And they know you\u2019re up to no good. One of these days, you\u2019re gonna screw up. And they\u2019ll be there to CALL THE GODDAMN COPS.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
Remember how the first time you heard all that yelling and banging you thought someone was being murdered? Remember how now that you know what you\u2019re listening to, you wish it were<\/strong> murder?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Oh God. The sound. The smell. The endless massive craps in your yard. The certainty that when they die, they\u2019re going to be skeletonized by their 40 cats. The whole thing is just too much to take.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n They\u2019ll just take the newspaper from your doorstep, or \u201cborrow\u201d (steal) your bike off your porch, or pick some vegetables from your garden\u2026 and when you confront them, they act like you\u2019re<\/i> the weirdo.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n Always inviting you over to \u201cget the friendship going\u2026\u201d But something about it just doesn\u2019t feel\u2026 right. Did they just touch your hand in an overly familiar way? Or are you just being paranoid? Or\u2026 they definitely want you to be in some kind of weird sex club, right? They won\u2019t come out and say it. But something\u2019s up.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n They\u2019re spying on you. You know this. It\u2019s not clear how they\u2019re listening\u2026 but they\u2019re listening. Bump into them on the street, and it\u2019s a safe bet they\u2019ll ask you questions about stuff you\u2019re DAMN SURE you didn\u2019t tell them.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n HE isn\u2019t taking this relationship seriously enough. SHE needs to understand that blogging is not the same thing as a job. HE can\u2019t just have his friends show up unannounced and stay over. SHE needs to cool it with the day drinking. YOU don\u2019t need to know any of this, but THEY love screaming 24\/7 and hate closing their windows when they fight.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Not the old guy with the walker, not the pregnant lady, not the dude with groceries. The young dude in the workout clothes who is 100% fit enough to take, you know, ONE GODDAMN FLIGHT OF STAIRS.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cPractice, practice, practice\u201d is the answer to, \u201cHow do you get to Carnegie Hall,\u201d but also the answer to, \u201cHow do you make your neighbors want to firebomb your stupid house?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n AKA The guy who lives for free in the windowless basement and works for the landlord in some nefarious, unnamed capacity. And like, he\u2019s probably<\/b> fine, but you can take it to the bank that if there\u2019s ever a murder in the building, he will 100% turn out to be the killer, and all the witnesses are going to be like, \u201cWell, yeah, we always knew something was up with Carl.\u201d And yet nobody. Does. Anything. About. Him.<\/p>\n Source:buzzfeed<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"4.<\/span> The Pet Hoarders<\/h2>\n
5.<\/span> The Borrowers<\/h2>\n
6.<\/span> The Overly Friendly Neighbors Who You\u2019d Swear Are Hitting on You<\/h2>\n
7.<\/span> The Eavesdropping NSA Spies<\/h2>\n
8.<\/span> The Loud Fighters<\/h2>\n
9.<\/span> The Neighbor Who Takes the Elevator to 2<\/h2>\n
10.<\/span> Mr. I\u2019m-in-a-Band<\/h2>\n
11.<\/span> The Henchman (AKA The Landlord\u2019s Cousin)<\/h2>\n