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Did You Know These Fake-Sounding Hybrid Animals Are Actually REAL?
The original Japanese name for “Godzilla”—“Gojira”—is a combination of the words for “gorilla” and “whale,” leading one to wonder what the hell it looked like in its initial sketches. But while Godzilla may not be real, nature is full of amazing crossbreed animals that deserve their own (less-threatening) movie. Or at least a midseason TV series.
Zonkey
Also known as a zorse, zedonk, zebrule, and “AWWWWWWWWWW!” the zonkey—as you might have guessed from its striped workout leggings—is a cross between a zebra and a donkey. Like mules, a cross between a male donkey and a female horse that wound up with a far less interesting name, the zonkey cannot breed. But their existence has been known for quite some time, with even Charles Darwin mentioning them in his works, probably followed by some science-y way to say “friggin’ cute.”
Grolar Bear
Also known as a “Pizzly” (because sometimes nature is fantastic), the grolar bear is a combination of a polar bear and a grizzly, which is what Yogi Bear might have looked like if his dad had met his mom while on a business trip to the North Pole. One of the very few hybrid animals to occur naturally in the wild, the sadder reason for the grolar bear’s existence is that their rapidly melting arctic homeland has forced the polar bear to move further south to survive and eventually mate with other bears.
Wholphin
The offspring of a female dolphin and a male false killer whale, the wholphin has a name that some pronounce as “whoal-pin,” others as “hool-pin,” and a few maybe as “freakass dolphin.” Believed to exist in nature (the use of the word “believed” translates as “no confirmed sightings”) they are the perfect combination of their parents, practically splitting everything down the middle including size, shape, and even teeth count (the dolphin has 88 teeth, the false killer whale 44 teeth, and the wholphin 66 teeth). There are two currently in existence at the Sea Life Park in Hawaii, so book your flight now.
Coywolf
A natural combo platter of coyotes and red, gray or eastern wolves, the coywolf sounds like a rather flirtatious hybrid. Larger than either of its parents, the coywolf shares the wolf’s cooperative group nature and probably also its false reputation as aggressive towards humans, despite the fact wolves have one of the lowest recorded number of attacks on people of any land predator around(“Red Riding Hood” be damned). That said, you would never want one as a pet, since it is indeed a wild animal and if we’ve learned anything from every single news report about people keeping wild animals as pets, it ends with the police chief muttering “idiot” under his breath in front of several TV microphones.
Geep
Almost certainly referred to in zoological studies as “GEEP! GEEP GEEP GEEP!!!”, the geep was first genetically engineered by British researchers in 1984 after probably wondering “How do we combine ‘The Island of Doctor Moreau” with a petting zoo?” The result was a goat-sheep chromosomal twofer that can actually breed, but the resulting children are either sheep or goat, both of whom are no doubt happy that their parent thankfully avoided the combined name “shat.”
Liger
First brought to many people’s attention thanks to some highly questionable artwork in “Napoleon Dynamite,” the liger does indeed exist and, as you can see, is usually big enough to be in a fantasy novel. The offspring of a male lion and a tigress, the liger is only born in captivity since its two parental sides never cross paths in the wild. That makes this sort of like a “Romeo and Juliet” love story only involving sperm in a turkey baster. And though rumors that ligers keep growing throughout their life are false, the liger is presumed to be the largest cat in the world, outside of any kaiju Japan has yet to unleash in movie theaters. And if you’ve read this far, then you have to be wondering, “But what do you get if you cross a male tiger and a lioness?” The answer is the happy little fellow below called a tigon (or tiglon), which is much smaller than a liger, less common than a liger, but unlike a liger has a name that sounds like a fantasy novel ruler.
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