1. There is no way I am going to survive today without Starbucks.
2. I’ll leave for work a little early, that way I can grab a cup of coffee.
3. I pass like, six Starbucks on my way to the office, but I’ll go to the one I always go to.
4. How is there seriously NO parking here? It’s Starbucks, not the Super Bowl.
5. Oh look, there’s a spot!
6. Shit, it’s handicapped. I’ll grab this other space.
7. Wait, this is parking for the dry-cleaners next store? Whatever, I’m going to be in and out. Nobody is going to tow me.
8. Thank goodness I’m getting coffee. I can already feel a caffeine headache setting in.
9. I hope there isn’t a line.
10. Let me walk faster so I can get ahead of that other person who is walking into Starbucks.
11. How the HELL is the line so long?
12. Whatever, it will probably move fast, right?

13. How are there so many people here just sitting around drinking their Starbucks? Don’t they have jobs to go to?
14. It is so loud, but it smells like caffeine and espresso and heaven in here. I already feel more awake.
15. I’ve been here for five minutes, and the line hasn’t moved at all.
16. I feel like there should be a line just for me. I’m here every day, and I’ve never seen any of these other people here.
17. I’d settle for an express line for people who have a Gold Card.
18. Why are people waiting until they are at the front of the line to decide what to order? Blasphemy!
19. I’m not going to be one of those people. I need to decide what I’m getting.
20. I ALWAYS get an iced skinny vanilla latte. Maybe I should mix it up and go caramel today?
21. Or maybe I can REALLY mix it up and get a iced skinny caramel macchiato.
22. Or maybe just an iced coffee? Maybe I just want an iced coffee.
23. Screw it, I’m sticking with my normal order.
24. Venti or grande?
25. Venti.
26. Who the HELL orders a tall? It’s practically a shot glass.

27. Oh look, that middle schooler just ordered a frappucino. How cute!
28. I wish I was a middle schooler so it would be socially acceptable for me to order a frappucino.
29. Oh look, the line has moved a few feet!
30. Oh, look at the pastries! Maybe I should order one.
31. Maybe a donut? Or slice of pound cake?
32. Wait, they sell oatmeal here? Who the hell would buy oatmeal at Starbucks?
33. Well, that lady just did.
34. And all of these juices and waters? Go to the supermarket and stop clogging up my caffeine mecca!
35. YES. I’m next in line to order.
36. * waits five minutes for lady in front to order *
37. Finally, my time to shine!
38. I feel like if your order is less than five words long, you’re doing Starbucks wrong.
39. OMG, I can’t open the Starbucks app to pay on my phone. So embarrassing.
40. Wait, I got it.

41. I cannot believe how expensive a cup of coffee is.
42. I really need to start making my own coffee to save money.
43. Whatever, Starbucks just tastes better. Can’t spend it when you’re dead!
44. I am going to say my name as clearly as possible so they spell it right on the cup.
45. No, I do NOT want my receipt.
46. As a matter of fact, I will NEVER want my receipt.
47. Ugh, now I have to go wait in the corner with all the other people waiting for their drinks.
48. I need to say a prayer that they do not screw up my drink.
49. * checks watch * AAAAAAND I’m going to be late for work.
50. Personally, I would rather be five minutes late and properly caffeinated than on time and grumpy.
51. Oh wait, I think this is my drink.
52. Nope, false alarm.
53. Can they PLEASE hurry up? It’s not like I ordered something that complicated.
54. This is why I need to get my own coffee machine.

55. Here’s my drink!
56. They made it correctly!
57. Butttttt my name is “Sam,” not “Dan.”
58. Let me Instagram a picture of my cup with my name wrong. Caption: “Nice try, Starbucks #fail.” People love that stuff.
59. Ugh, they did not put in enough milk. I guess I’ll have to put my own in.
60. How are they out of skim milk!?!?
61. Should I ask them to refill? Ugh, but I’m in a rush.
62. Whatever, I’ll just use half & half. THE HORROR.
63. OK, time to go. I hope they didn’t tow my car.
64. Thank goodness, it’s still there.
65. That took 15 minutes longer than it should have.
66. I really need to stop going to Starbucks.
67. * takes sip of coffee * I wish my veins flowed with Starbucks instead of blood.