Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates an unlikely victory by Mexican soldiers from the town of Puebla over a powerful French army…not Mexico’s independence.

Haha, but you don’t care about that, you want to drink! That’s totally cool, go for it. But this is how to pull it off without being insensitive/unintentionally/intentionally racist while still getting to enjoy some great Mexican food and drinks.

1. DO get yourself a bomb-ass margarita…or seven.

2. DON’T wear a sombrero at any point during the consumption of the margaritas.

3. DO take the opportunity to inhale a possibly unsafe amount of delicious Mexican food.

4. DON’T wear a serape.

5. No.

8. While we’re at it, DON’T bring/purchase/or shake maracas. Trust us on this one.

10. Damnit, DON’T push it to the point where a fake mustache anywhere near your face/body sounds like a good idea. Like Trey Songz here.

12. DO get a bucket of beers, with your bad self.

13. DON’T throw it back and call it “Cinco de Drinko”:

Now that we mention it, just like with “El Bruncho”: No, an English word does not suddenly become a Spanish word if you add an “o” at the end. Just a good rule of thumb.

15. DON’T shop at Party City for any additional “accessories.” You can totally dress like a normal person.

16. Whatever you do, DON’T scream “iArriba! iArriba!” or “iAYAYAYAYAY!” like Speedy Gonzales. JUST DON’T.

17. DO let tequila work its magic on you. Note: This special elixir affects different people in different ways.

18. But DON’T call us “sensitive” for calling you out on your racism.

The Fiestas Racistas Tumblr does a good job of pulling a bunch of regrettable photos together.

19. So DO have a fun, nonracist time. Just remember what no one tells you about Cinco de Mayo:

20. …OK fine, this is acceptable on any day of the year, not just Cinco de Mayo.