1. Gross smells are just part and parcel of everyday life.

2. Sure, you’ve seen things, but you ain’t seen anything until you’ve potty trained…

3. …and it seems like the greatest miracle on earth when it actually works.

4. Toilet paper will be used for everything except its true purpose.

Because who needs TP when you’re mostly just pooping on the floor?

5. The annual science project is one of your greatest fears.

6. Your child will use food for everything but eating.

7. And vice versa.

8. Feeding time ends like this so often that you barely react now.

9. You consider it a complete success when the mess is contained to your baby’s face.

10. Seriously. This = success.

11. This will be a two, sometimes three times a week occurrence.

12. You will occasionally become convinced that every little mess is premeditated.

13. There will be saliva, and it will be absolutely everywhere.

14. You’re just glad when they’re not eating it.

15. No playplace is a safe playplace.

16. Never turn your back, not even for a second.

17. And one must carry a tissue at literally all times.